You Shall Lift Them by the Ears

Without being able to explain why, two news items have coalesced in my mind and require further review. On the one hand we have John Kerry’s ceremonial first pitch last weeked at Fenway; on the other the impending release of Pamela Anderson’s novel entitled Star.

Kerry took the mound and threw a fastball into the grass, maybe the dirt, but well short of the catcher’s mitt deployed behind home. The Democratic hopeful employed an overhand delivery whereas Bush went more sidearm at Camden Yards. Presidents and would-be presidents have been doing this for years. Dick Nixon had the most presence on the hill because of the sweat factor. LBJ invented the sport of beagling wherein a pet is lifted by the ears.

Thanks to Sarah and Grimm, possibly others, Pamela Anderson’s perspectives on novel writing are now available. One of her best ideas was to hire someone to write the novel.

Maybe John Kerry ought to turn the ball over to Nolan Ryan when the urge for ceremony rears its head. Hire it done John!

I’ve not read Star. I didn’t know that Pam had been the Labatt girl back in the day. This must have been a manuscript that screamed publish me because we know it’s all about the writing.

John, take a page from Pam’s book. Dubya, don’t even think about developing a two seam fastball. Find a professional.


  1. In the picture I saw, Kerry looked like he was trying to throw a palm ball. Or, doesn’t know how to throw a normal lob. Either way, and oh-so-typically, he’s too clever by half.

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